Navigating relationships when you have an anxious attachment style often feels like traversing a minefield. Small hiccups may be perceived as catastrophic events, triggering an intense fear of abandonment. If these experiences resonate with you, remember: you are not broken, nor are you alone. In fact, you have the power to soothe your emotions and tend to your inner wounds. In this post, we will explore the power of self-soothing as a healing tool and discuss how Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can facilitate this process.
The Role of Anxious Attachment in Relationship Dynamics
Anxious attachment often results in a push-pull dynamic in relationships, characterized by one person extending themselves excessively (applying pressure, making demands) and the other retreating (shutting down, under-communicating). The avoidant partner may seem as if they are creating the discord, but consider their actions as an opportunity, a catalyst for you to practice being present with your emotions and navigating them without external reliance.
The key to breaking this cycle lies in shifting your focus from your partner’s actions to your own emotional landscape. As long as we view the problem as external, we perpetuate the pattern. The true journey begins when we realize that our healing lies within us.
Self-Soothing: A Lifeline Amid Emotional Storms
Self-soothing is the process of calming your own nervous system, a crucial skill for those with anxious attachment. It’s about learning to hold space for yourself when you feel scared. Essentially, it’s about ‘parenting’ your inner child – the part of you that yearns for care, reassurance, and love.
The truth is, even if your avoidant partner were to show up exactly as you wish, your internal wound would persist. External validation provides temporary relief but does not address the root of the issue. On the other hand, learning to self-soothe can bring lasting peace and shift relationship dynamics in surprising ways.
Healing Through Self-Soothing and RTT
RTT can greatly enhance the self-soothing process. As a combination of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), RTT helps uncover and understand the root cause of your anxious attachment. Moreover, it assists in replacing your negative belief systems with positive ones, paving the way for profound personal transformation.
A Simple Practice to Self-Soothe and Nurture Your Inner Child
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, follow these steps:
- Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and place your hands over your heart and lower abdomen.
- Visualize your inner child – perhaps a three-year-old version of you. Assure them that they are safe and loved.
- Give yourself permission to express your emotions fully. Crying, screaming into pillows, or moving your body can help release pent-up energy.
- Once the energy starts to shift, move into a more meditative state. Observe any thoughts or feelings that arise, and then let them go.
- Continue to breathe deeply, reminding yourself that it’s okay to experience intense emotions.
- Through this practice, you are retraining your emotional response to stress, learning to comfort yourself rather than relying on external sources of reassurance.
The Healing Journey
The shift from anxious attachment to secure attachment is a journey, not an overnight event. It requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth. The beauty of this journey is that as you grow in your capacity to self-soothe, you not only create a sense of inner security but also open space
